And the winner is...

It is an honor just to be nominated. Of course, winning adds in the joy of rubbing everybody's nose in it. - 101 Dalmations (1997)

Yesterday was a very enjoyable day. Alan Wakefield, President of Ottershaw Players, and I set off for Tonbridge in Kent to pick up this lovey award.

This is our nomination from the NODA rep. which won us the award

The award was for Artistic Presentation for last winter's production of The Wind in the Willows, which was a huge success in all respects. The only failure was a lack of decent photos so I can't show you the amazing set that Alan, Jim Gallimore, Peter Pratt, Dave Dunlop, Paul Bungard designed and built, together with some input from the Director, Matthew Horton.

Matthew was unable to attend the ceremony with Alan, due to a work committment (lunch at the House of Commons, I believe!), so I had the priviledge of going, in my role as costume provider/designer/maker.

It wasn't until the awards part of the afternoon wore on and all the boring cups and shields slowly disappeared from the stage that we realised that what was left was the rather gorgeous lady above and it was the major award of the day, given for the whole of the South East region and not just one of the 14 areas which make up that region. Blimey!!!!!!

Felt a bit like the Oscars but it was so unexpected that we could only drum up one member of the team (good 'ol Jim) to help celebrate in our 'Green Room' (aka The Castle).

So, thanks fellas. Not forgetting, of course, Toad,Mole, Badger and Ratty. Then, of course, there was Otter, Albert, Portly, Chief Weasel, Norman and all the other weasels, hedgehogs, squirrels, Motorists, Magistrate, Gaoler's Daughter, Washerwoman, Bargewoman, Gypsy, Train Driver. And yes.... they all needed costumes.

Great stuff. Coming soon:

Treasure Island, 28th November to 1st December 2007

Make a note in your diary.

Please, miss, it wasn't my fault

Just want to say that, no matter how many times I check them out, my posts always seem to contain errors - spelling, grammar, just plain stupid - as soon as they're posted. But it's not my fault 'cos in my head they're all perfect.

Extra spaces, lines, etc. in the post are definitely not my fault. They're just Blogger going mental.

Round and round the garden

The Blackbird: I love gardening. You know, they say that in the garden, it's the closest place to God, you know. And I wait for a nice warm day when I can go and pull a few things up, you know what I mean. - Creature Comforts 2003

Welcome to my garden. Please come in.....

Friends can use the back door

The cat will keep you company






Looking from the house

Look left

Look right


Take a break for a cup of tea


Let's hope it's this
and not
this


Thanks for visiting. Please come again.

Thank goodness I'm not a young, slim blonde

And now, ladies and gentlemen, before I tell you any more, I'm going to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld. He was a king and a god in the world he knew, but now he comes to civilization merely a captive - a show to gratify your curiosity. Ladies and gentlemen, look at Kong, the Eighth Wonder of the World. - King Kong (1933)

The chap who lives opposite our house, who I shall call 'M', is building an extension to his bungalow. Not just a little bit on the side (if you'll pardon the expression) but a major project going up into the roof, out at the side and out at the back. And it would appear that it is a single-handed project, almost. I do admire him and he works very, very hard but I now totally understand the feelings of people who book a holiday and are housed in a room overlooking a building site. One or two weeks are bad enough but we've had this view now for a year or thereabouts.

Anyway, what compelled me to put finger to keyboard?:

M has been tiling the roof for the past, oh I don't know, 12 weeks. This week he is working on the back and top. Every now and then something catches my eye, I glance out of the window and there is M standing on the apex of his roof, just like King Kong on the Empire State Building.

Now, I'm not saying that M looks like a gorilla but........................

Good Times

The good times of today, are the sad thoughts of tomorrow - Bob Marley

I was sad today to hear of the death of 'Good Time' George Melly. This larger than life jazz singer, writer, critic, raconteur and surrealist finally gave in, aged 80, to the cancer and dementia that he had been living with for some time, although he was still touring and performing up until early June. He said that, as a surrealist, he quite enjoyed the dementia.

Go here to read a proper tribute, my writing skills aren't good enough. All I know is he was an important part of my young adulthood and was one of a small number to introduce me to blues and jazz. I shall be forever grateful.

Kitchen Talk

Marry, sir, 'tis an ill cook that cannt lick his own fingers. Therefore he that cannot lick his fingers goes not with me. - William Shakespeare, Romeo & Juliet

This

not

this

Please go to visit Welshcakes Limoncello and read all about her adventures with her new, lovely, red tomato squashing machine. In her reply to my comment about probably not being able to find such a wonderful appliance here in England, she recommended that I try Lakeland, a wonderful shop that started up years and years ago selling, as far as I can remember, just plastics (polythene bags, etc.). It was during the '60s/70s and freezing enormous quantities of meat and veg. was quite in vogue. From that inauspicious (but probably financially rewarding) start the company has grown and now has numerous shops all over the UK, as well as selling online and by mail order.

Well, would you believe it??!! Ten minutes after reading her suggestion what should drop through my letterbox but the latest edition of the Lakeland catalogue. Hoorah - a good excuse to forgo the hoovering and other such stimulating tasks and immerse myself in its pages. Welshcakes told me to.

Unfortunately no tomato squashing machine but all sorts of other goodies, mainly to do with barbecues and suchlike (in this weather????????), but a few other 'I want' items as well.

But if I bought all, or even some, of the 'I want' things I'd need another room to house them all in, not just a bigger kitchen. So are some of these things really necessary?:

Pizza Maker Oven - a free standing 15" Pizza maker

Pasta Maker Set - small and red and would go very well with the tomato squasher

Electric Ice Maker - makes ice cubes in just 90 minutes. So does my freezer

Cherry Super Stoner - good if you can afford to make your own jam with the price of cherries

Ice Cream Maker - I would like one of these but can foresee that I'd use it a couple of times and then it would be hanging around getting in the way

Smoothie Maker - these are great, but I've already got a blender attachment with my food mixer and I think they do the same thing? (I think Jo has got one of these so perhaps she can tell us)

So all of these (and there are others!) along with the breadmaker, the coffee pot, the kettle, the toaster and the microwave on your worktops leaves little room to work.

Other interesting little items in the catalogue were:

Easy Italian - cookbook that I'm going to buy

Plastic jug with a tube down the middle for ice cubes, so that melting ice doesn't dilute your Pimm's

Wild Hibiscus Flowers in Syrup - From the foothills of the Blue Mountains in Australia come these special wild hibiscus, which have a remakable effect when mixed with champagne.

Bone Suckin Sauce - the name says it all

Ice Cream Cone Cake Tin

Flexible Ice Cube Trays - these are brilliant & I'm going to buy another one

Roast Pineapple & Lime Leaf Dessert Relish

Cobb Barbecue Cooking System - which can be used indoors and sound intriguing

Best 'til last: An electric fryer that cooke chip using just one tablespoon of oil. I'd give that houseroom but it costs £150 so I'll have to wait.

Rainy Days and Mondays

I hate Mondays - Garfield

Thought I'd better do some washing this morning. Because of the weather I'd been putting it off for a while. The forecast was for light showers and there was a bit of a breeze so I thought I'd give it a go. Loaded the machine with grubby stuff, opened the drawer for the conditioner and thought 'I'll just give that a bit of a rinse'.

Now to get at this particular bit of the washing machine involves a bit of a palaver. I have to pull the dryer out and swivel the washing machine around while lifting the worktop up at the same time. And all in a space the size of a cupboard.

Can someone explain to me why things that constantly have water flowing through them, e.g. showers, lavatories, washing machines, etc., get so disgustingly dirty?? Not just a bit of scale, bits of fluff or even hair, but horrible black slimy stuff. Yuk.

So after fiddling about with toothbrush, cloth and soapy water, getting all the appliances back in their rightful places, etc., etc., I eventually was in a position to hang out my sparkling clean clothes............................ Then it rained.

Fashion victim? or Comfort dresser?

There's never a new fashion but it's old - Chaucer

Smock tops are 'in' at the moment. I can remember when the only time a person would be seen dead in a garment of this sort would be when she was pregnant. Actually showing your 'bump' in revealing clothes was distinctly frowned upon.

Anyway, being a dedicated follower of fashion, I bought a couple the other week, thinking that they'd at least be nice and cool for the summer (I'd have done better buying a pair of wellies and a raincoat).

Then there was a revelation - an unexpected reflection in a window showing me wearing what looked like a small tent convinced me that they would be promoted to gardening clothes; non-restictive and comfortable, oh yes, and cool.

Small, round women shouldn't wear smocks unless they're pregnant.

Where's Noah when you need him?

I am at two with nature - Woody Allen

After checking out the weather earlier and deciding that the garden was no place to be, I sort of stood for a while gazing out at the unremitting rain, thinking of nothing in particular. After some moments a tune, together with a few words, crept into my head: rain, rain, rain - rain, rain, rain - rain, rain, rain, r...ain (aren't lyrics uninspiring when just written down, like this?) Of course, it's the chorus to Didnt It Rain, popular in the far-off days of my childhood. Then came the problem - who recorded it? I convinced myself that it was The Deep River Boys but thought I'd better check it out, just in case. Appears I was wrong and it was the great Frankie Laine, who sadly died last February. Same era though.

(Incidentally, whilst checking out The Deep River Boys, I noticed a list of groups in the same genre one of which was called 'The Brown Dots'. Would that name be allowed today? Or even 'The Inkspots'?)

With nothing better to do I set myself to exercise my tired old brain by think of all songs about rain, without resorting to Google, unless desperate.

First up was this: - and yes I did Google for the picture

2. It Might As Well Rain Until September - Carole King
3. It's Raining in my Heart - Buddy Holly
4. Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head - ?Burt Bacharach
5. Rainy Days and Mondays - The Carpenters
6. Just Walking in the Rain - Johnnie Ray
7. Rainy Night in Georgia - Randy Crawford
8. I Can't Stand the Rain - Tina Turner
9. Come Rain or Come Shine - loads of people, including Billie Holiday, Rosemary Clooney, Ella Fitzgerald, Frank Sinatra
10. The Day That the Rains Came Down - Jane Morgan
11. It's Raining Men - Weather Girls
12. Listen to the Rhythm of the Falling Rain - ??
13. Somewhere Over the Rainbow - the little girl, aged 6, whose name I can't remember, who didn't win that talent show that was on the other day
14. September in the Rain - Frank Sinatra
15. Sing a Rainbow - ??
16. Raindrops on Roses - Julie Andrews
17. Here Comes the Rain Again - The Eurythmics
18. Purple Rain - Prince
19. Laughter in the Rain - Neil Sedaka
20. It Never Rains in Southern California - ??

Well that's it - bet there's loads more. Perhaps the brain is still working.

Check this out

Got this from As a Dodo. It's a bit long but worth sticking with if only for the very end sentiment.

We've also got a BBC documentary about Cherie's life at Downing Street to look forward to. No doubt we'll find out how misunderstood she was and, at heart, she's a pretty straight sorta gal.

Ho hum.

It's HOW MUCH??????

Money talks........... but all mine ever says is 'goodbye' - anon
Back to the vet's today. Results of blood tests. Final check-up. Nothing AT ALL wrong with cat. In fact in very good nick for his age. Thank you.

That'll be £210 pounds, please. Gulp.

Peep Bo

I've come back out of hiding. The cat started to perk up about 5 minutes before we were due to leave for the appointment with the vet and by the time we got there he was ready, claws drawn.

She couldn't find much wrong with him except for a raised temperature and came to the conclusion that he was 'under the weather'. So he had an injection and we've got to go back tomorrow.

It's my turn now to cover my eyes and someone else can go and hide!

No title required

When I came down to breakfast David said 'Haven't seen any sign of Mitch'.

Now this is very, very unusual because for a cat who likes to eat every hour, or so it seems, after a night without sustenance breakfast is the meal he can hardly wait for. When he hadn't appeared by 10.30 I went looking for him (in very heavy rain) and found him sitting under a tree at the bottom of the garden, appearing to not really be aware of his surroundings. I persuaded him to follow me back indoors where he wandered about a bit and then made for the sofa where he is now. It is very obvious to me that all is not well.

I've phoned the vet and have an appointment at 3.05 and I'm not looking forward to the outcome.

I haven't liked 2007 very much so far. I want to run way and hide ....again.

Ah, The Shed

He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food - Raymond Chandler

In her comment on my previous post, Jo pointed out the error of my ways in not including her visit yesterday and the inspection of the New Shed which, from this point forward, I will call 'Ottilie'. You see, where we once had fairies at the bottom of our garden, we now have Ottilie. She is an attractive shade of green and is very inconspicuous.

Ottilie was born out of the need for Ottershaw Players to find a new home for their costumes and I agreed to be the midwife and adoptive mother. Now all that is needed is to decant the stuff that has accumulated over more years than anyone cares to remember from Joan's loft to Ottilie's cosy interior.

Like this only green and bigger - --------------------------------------

A day in the life of................

The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest - Thomas Moore (no, not my grandson aged 11 but the chap who lived from 1779-1852)



See, one of the reasons I'm not prolific with my blogging is that it isn't often I come across things to write about which will interest and amuse anyone who might want to read my offerings without being bored to death. So I've set myself a challenge to describe my day in an interesting and amusing manner and any of you that die............ well, it comes to us all eventually.



Didn't make it into the garden today because having discovered during my morning ablutions that we were down to the last roll of loo paper and then the cat had to make do with dried food (meoughw), thought I'd better charge up my ipod shuffle (imperative for me to listen to Barry Manilow whilst grocery shopping) and make my way to Woking, where I could buy some cheap t-shirts in Primark and then head on over to Morrisons, a supermarket that I want to try out as various people have told me that their prices are very reasonable.

Woking isn't a great metropolis. It isn't as good as Kingston or Guildford but much, much better than Chertsey and the other small, local towns. I managed to make my way through the bustling shoppers without getting my bum pinched like MaryB and, to my delight, discovered that a Farmer's Market was being held in the town square. Bought plants, a pie, a couple of goat's cheeses and would have bought a delicious looking strawberry tart if the guy serving could have found a gap in his phone conversation about going to the pub tonight to serve me.

Dived into New Look as they had 20% off of everything. I'm getting used to the strange looks I get from the 16-year-olds who work in there at this overweight old lady rummaging through the rails. Perhaps they think I'm shopping for my granddaughter.

I like to treat going to the check-out in Primark as a sort of game. The idea is to look at the price tickets on whatever you've bought and then try to guess how much you'll be charged (it's always less). For example, today I bought 2 t-shirts priced at £4 each, the girl scanned them and said '£5 please'. Happens nearly every time.

Uneventful (except stopping off to buy 8 Millies Cookies for later) return to the car park and then on to the supermarket where I did super-big shop for food, groceries and a few other essentials (and some non-essentials). Pleasantly surprised when the bill came to only (??) £160 as I truly was expecting much more. (I never, ever thought I'd find myself saying only £160 when shopping for food!)

A Few Random Thoughts on Supermarket Shopping - why do people have to stop at the end of aisles to check their shopping lists/talk to their friends, etc. so that there's no room to pass?
are they the same people who have to stand smack bang in the centre of the aisle, usually bending down, while they spend ages trying to decide which brand of baked beans or whatever they are going to buy?
in the car park do drivers think that they are still protected by their vehicle as they make their way to/from their cars on foot or do they have a death wish?
why do some people start to queue at the check-out before they've actually finished their shopping, leaving their trolley to save their place while they nip around for stuff they've forgotten?

Anyway, back home, fill up the fridge and the cupboards, feed the cat on stuff he actually likes (why don't they make mouse flavoured cat food?) and pick up Thomas from school. I'm reminded of something he said the other day: "Is the word for someone who doesn't believe in God an 'orthodontist'?"

Quick check of emails, note that I've got one 'comment' and a few requests for stuff that I've put on the Freecycle website and then a quick look at my favourite blogs. Liked a piece on Colin Campbell's blog about condoms fitted with vibrating rings being sold in India and the Indians getting shirty because they have been described as 'sex toys'. Colin reckons that soon they'll be fitted with 'romantic ring tones'! How about Everything's Coming up Roses?

Whilst loading the dishwasher I managed to spill some cooking oil on the floor without noticing and then stood in it. Luckily I managed not to break my neck and mopped it up. I must say that it left quite a shine on the laminate but remained quite slippery. I did toy with the idea of leaving it as it was and then luring David into doing a Torvill & Dean routine with Bolero being played on a vibrating condom but then thought better of it!!

That's about it really. Can't make dozing off in front of the telly sound very interesting or amusing and now my day is nearly over. So night, night everyone. Hope you're not too bored (or dead).

PS The cat's got his revenge - half a chewed fish and a mouse on the back doorstep

Almost everything in the garden's lovely

When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. ~Author Unknown

I believe I mentioned yesterday that my project this year is to DEFINITELY get my garden under control. When I left work, which was in 1999, I imagined that I would spend all my time in the garden. Then I discovered amdram and Ottershaw Players and, well, where does the time go? But I am determined. No more shilly shallying, every spare minute is being spent chopping, pruning, digging, weeding. Some of the results you can see above and some of what's left to do is below.

I've done about a quarter of it now (and they was the easier bits) so there's still a way to go. But armed with my ipod and a variety of audio books I must say I'm having a really good time.

Today my entertainment was Bill Bryson's Life & Times of the Thunderbolt Kid. Great storytelling and so evocative of how the world used to be and growing up in the fifties. Good stuff.

Tomorrow it's going to be Billy Connolly (OK, so it's not a book but it'll make me laugh) and Ned Sherrin's autobiography, which will also probably make me laugh.

Now to dig the dirt from under my nails, have a relaxing shower and then I'll just about be ready for a nice glass of Chianti.

Cheers!!

It's been a long, long time

OK - so I haven't been around for a while - but I have been keeping an eye on you all.

Pete's wonderful production of Whose Life is it Anyway? kept me on my toes and I've made 'getting my garden back into shape' my project for this year. Then there's Jo's garden and Pete & Kath's new house and garden to think about, although I haven't given them as much time as I would have liked.

But mainly I've been a bit pre-occupied for the past few months. You know, you're jogging along nicely, living your life, having a laugh, having a moan, planning stuff. Then out of this everyday ordinariness something leaps out and kicks you in the teeth, or bites you in the bum, or makes you want to run away and hide which you don't do because that wouldn't help anybody, would it? Anyway, we had some news that knocked me for six so I haven't been able to do anything that requires too much concentration or thought. Things are looking brighter now and, hopefully, the problem will be cleared up before too much longer.

Today I've booked tickets to see Chicago and Slava's Snowshow in September. If you haven't seen the Snowshow I can thoroughly recommend it, although it's hard to describe. It's mainly clowns, lots of small pieces of paper and HUGE balloons!! and as for Chicago - well, who can resist all that jazz!!!!!

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next, you forget to pull your zipper up and finally you forget to pull it down - George Burns


Once upon a time, a long, long time ago (well, last August, actually), the lovely and talented Maryb told us all about this book. Obviously it was a 'must read' so I rushed out and bought it immediately. 'Rushed out' in this case is a bit strong; I ordered it online from Amazon. The book duly arrived, I unpacked it and put it on the top of my pile of books to read, intending to dip into it at the earliest opportunity. Over the course of the next few months it occurred to me every now and then that I couldn't recall seeing the book where I'd left it and I must make an extra effort to seek it out and read it, especially Mary's bit. Usually this thought came to me at 'inconvenient for searching' moments, e.g. whilst I was shopping in Sainsbury's, driving on the M25 and by the time I was in any position to do so I'd forgotten all about it.

A few days ago, confined to the house with the coughs and sneezes, my head cleared long enough to recall my mission to FIND THE BOOK. It wasn't where I'd put it, it wasn't on the bookshelves, it wasn't anywhere. I seriously began to think that I hadn't ordered it at all! Then...........this morning.................Eureka!!!!! It was lurking in the bag that I carry all of my Ottershaw Players' stuff around in and which has been in regular, constant use since October, if not before. Is there any hope left for me, d'you think?

What a great book and well worth the long wait. Congratulations on your story, Mary; so wonderfully evocative of childhood.

Now where did I put that damn book???????????

The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time. - Friedrich Nietzsche

****************************************************************

May I introduce you to Mitch:

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "where is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice." - Terry Pratchett (Sourcery).

The ice age cometh

After a lazy 'getting up late' sort of start to the day, still trying to shake off this bloody awful cold (pass the AirBorne, MaryB), and thinking that the wet sounds of the cars taking the unlucky ones to work/school was caused by the usual rain, I actually exclaimed out loud when I pulled the curtains and saw the winterland in front of me. Even the building site which is the bungalow opposite us looked quite pretty with its covering of the white stuff.

Wish I'd got up earlier, though, 'cos it was thawing fast. I scrabbled about finding my camera, then finding new batteries. Why do they always run out when you want to do something spontaneous?

Anyway manged to get these and a couple more, which are on Flickr if you're interested.

It's now about 45 minutes since I took these and the garden is almost back to its usual weedy green.

*************************************************************************

Was doing a bit of 'blurfing' last night to see what I could find and found Colin Campbell, well worth a regular read, I think. Colin led me on to find this: Beau Bo D’Or » Blog Archive » GoldenBalls for Golden Globes . Another great site for your 'not watching rubbish on the telly' time.

*************************************************************************

Apparently an American company has come up with the idea of emails which self-destruct after being read once. It cannot be forwarded, copied or edited and the names of the sender and receiver vanish forever. You can join the cast of Mission Impossible for a mere £20 a year. I can see all sorts of shenanigans ahead.

Hair today, .....

I have to be at the hairdressers' in about 20 minutes. Have just looked out of the window and am now wondering if it's worth it - or shall I just go and tip my money in the conveniently placed drain in the road just by my driveway?

For those of you who don't live here we are currently experiencing 'severe' weather across the country: rain, gale force winds, more rain, followed by more winds. The unbrella is definitely not going to be used!

A love story.

Here's a page from my 2007 diary, which I thought I'd share with you. I tried to make it bigger so that you could more easily read it but, not being very clever, I couldn't. So I'll reproduce the text here:

CHOCOLATE: You want me Lady don't you?
You want me! You WANT ME!

LADY: No Chocolate, I do not want you, for after the
initial pleasure there is SICKNESS and there is
GUILT.

CHOCOLATE: That, Lady is the REASON FOR MY EXISTENCE.
Are you to deny me the REASON FOR MY
EXISTENCE?

LADY: No, Chocolate. I would not do that.

CHOCOLATE: Thank you.

(A munching sound is heard, followed by a sigh of pleasure.)

Gordon Ramsey - you know nothing

It's my turn to host our weekly Mahjong get-together tonight. Being a good hostess (and because the others always dish up mouth-watering nibbles, probably purchased from Marks & Spencer), I had to turn my mind today towards thoughts of what I was going to impress my friends with. Yesterday I was going to buy a few carrots, a cucumber, some crisps or suchlike, some dips and do my own version of Ready, Steady, Cook just before they arrived.

Anyhow, things didn't go according to plan, mainly because I seem to have developed a condition called tescoitis a symptom of which is memory loss brought on by my desire to get out of the place as quickly as possible. Luckily I remembered the cat food.

So....... this morning I thought, 'I know, I'll impress them, I'll bake a cake'. I have this geat recipe where you put all of the ingredients except the flour into a saucepan and boil them, then add the flour, then put in the oven for an hour. Piece of cake!

Now, I quite like baking when I'm in the mood (a bit like knitting) but I haven't been in the mood for some time now so I thought it wise to check the 'best by' dates on the flour; didn't want one of my friends calling a 'pung' then passing out. An hour and one big black bin bag later my cupboard was bare apart from a packet of raisins with still a month to go.

Out had gone not only the flour but several small jars of herbs and spices, baking powder, cup-a-soups, gravy granules and even a couple of bars of cooking chocolate! I'm glad they haven't started the 'pay for your bin collection by weight' scheme yet.

Then came the quandary - where do I go for the replacements? Tesco, or even Sainsbury, they're both not my shops of choice, especially on a Friday. I'd get in there, have a bit of memory loss, and who knows what I'd come out with!! Luckily there are one or two small convenience stores not too far away, one of which is near a 'proper' butchers, so I could deal with Sunday lunch at the same time. Bought my ingredients, had a nice chat and a laugh about binmen with the lady serving me, didn't forget anything. Came home, made the cake.

Then I thought I'd make some flapjacks, as a healthy option. They must be, they've got all of those oats in them, doesn't matter about the sugar, then more sugar in syrup form holding the oats together.

So here I am passing time waiting for my friends to arrive and anticipating that moment when it's time for a break and I can bring out my creations. Oh the feeling of superiority when answering the question, 'These are delicious, did you make them yourself?' I can truthfully answer: 'Yes'.

And here endeth the lesson

versus

My friend, Judy, sent me this:

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said "You want hot fudge with that? And Man said "Yes!" And Woman said "I'll have one too with chocolate chips". And lo they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

So God said "Try my fresh green salad".

And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said "I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them".

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan said "You want fries with that?" and Man replied "Yes, And super size 'em". And Satan said "It is good." And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION: After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health.:

Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.



CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

This one's for you....

This post is dedicated to all of those people out there who, like me, are constantly having to deal with banks, inconsiderate drivers, bad-mannered shop staff, call centres, service engineers who turn up late (if at all!), doctors' receptionists, gangs of 'yoofs' who play football in the middle of a busy road, Tony Blair, and his government, political correctness, health & safety, etc., etc., etc.

These boots were made for walking....

This is the Copper Horse on Snow Hill, and the view north along The Long Walk towards Windsor Castle and the George IV gateway. The gent sitting on the horse, dressed as a Roman, is King George lll.






And this is the aforementioned Long Walk, built in 1688, again looking towards the Castle for a distance of 3 miles.



I'm sharing these fascinating details with you in the hope that you will be overwhelmingly impressed that today Jo and I decided to get some fresh air by walking it. As there is no car park right next to King George, we had a fair old uphill walk to the start of our trek (about half a mile), followed by the previously referenced 3 miles to Her Majesty's front door. Time now for a spot of lunch, so into the town (not far) and then, after a well-deserved break, time to head back.

By way of a change, we decided to go back by a different route and set off up the road leading through Windsor Great Park to the car park. It was round about now that it crossed my mind 'perhaps we've bitten off more than we can chew'. This feeling strengthened as the footpath ended and we were obliged to walk on soggy, lumpy grass with mini quagmires every now and then. Is there still a hosepipe ban?? (I hope you haven't forgotten that the distance left to cover is about 3 miles!!) We soldiered on (not much else we could do at that stage) and eventually staggered to the car where we eased ourselves onto the seats, because the legs refused to bend at the knees, feeling a wonderful sense of achievement! Yes, it's made me determined to explore all of our local parks, gardens and countryside on foot and a lot more often than I have done recently.

As a postscript, you will notice that the bloke on the horse is pointing west towards the woods, precisely in the direction to where I lost my glasses. If only he could speak because I'm sure that from his great height he knows exactly where they are!

It's only words........

"I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit.
"No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't. But there was going to be when I began it. It's just that something happened to it along the way."

Words that I like:

• Compendium
• bizarre
• weird
• connotation
• rummage
• bibliograph
• jingle
• frolic
• perception
• extravagance
• perambulation
• vehicular

Words I don't like:

• vagaries
• bell
• brochure
• bulldog
• exercise-book
• tumble
• saxaphone
• straight
• cafetiere

Here are some old words no longer in common use:

bablatrice - a female babbler
chaterestre - a talkative woman
erinaceous - like a hedgehog; a person with prickly manners
deuterogamist - someone who marries a second time
dictioneer - person who takes it upon themselves to criticise diction or writing style
finnimbrun - a knickknack or trinket
flagitation - asking or demanding with passion; begging
funambulist - a tightrope walker; a person who thinks quickly on their feet
heterarchy - government by strangers or foreigners, literally "rule of an alien"
hibernacle - winter home of hibernating animal; a sunshine retreat for people
leighster - a female liar
loranthaceous - related to mistletoe family; kisses given or received under the mistletoe
lordswike - a person who deceives their boss; a traitor
mouton enrage - an angry person who is usually calm, literally "mad sheep"
nullo - someone who has undergone an elective amputation for the purposes of body modification, usually of a toe
rhinarium - the hairless and moist nose of some mammals
snollygoster - a dishonest politician, especially a shrewd or calculating one
solfeggist - someone who sings notes using do, re, mi, fa, sol, la and ti woofits - an unwell feeling, especially a headache; a moody depression; a hangover.

My favourite is loranthaceous although I don't think I'll be using it often. Now, snollygoster will be in constant use!

Going to bed now 'cos I've got a touch of the Woofits.

By the way, I get unreasonably wound up by people who pronounce the word 'aitch' as 'haitch'.

The party's over......

Well, that's it for another year then - Christmas, birthday and New Year all over and done with. Perm any two out of the three and you're bound to find that at least one of these celebrations could be described as enjoyable. Whoopee - jackpot time - they were ALL great!!

Christmas started a bit differently in our house this year because Jo decided that she wanted to wake up in her own home with Thomas on Christmas morning so that meant we weren' t comitted to staying up on Christmas Eve until the early hours waiting for Thomas to go to sleep so that Santa could deliver his presents. But it was very, very, very quiet in the absence of childhood anticipation.

The cat obviously thought we were a bit sad so he thought he'd cheer us up by inviting his little furry friend in for a game of football. This was a surprise because we'd rigged the cat-flap so that he couldn't work it if he had any of the local wildlife in his mouth but he'd used his feline inventiveness (after about 5 years!) to overcome this problem. He's very thoughtful, is Mitch. During my recent involvement with Ottershaw Players' production of The Wind in the Willows I would often arrive home late at night to find Ratty or one of his family waiting on the back doorstep to offer advice. Usually they had found the wait too tedious and had died of boredom. The cat looked much too innocent to have wished them any harm.

Christmas morning arrived at last, the turkey (which we were very lucky to have, because when the butcher said he was open for 2 or 3 hours on Christmas Eve for collection of said bird he didn't mention that he started at 6am!) fitted well into the oven, Jo was bringing the vegetables, Kathleen was bringing the pudding, Thomas was bringing himself!! Lunch was almost on time and voted to be one of the best ever, I think. Present opening lasted throughout the day, thereby proving just how grown up Thomas is getting. Wonderfully hilarious end to the day with a challenging game of Balderdash. Not laughed as much for hours.

Boxing Day was a blur of bacon bagels for breakfast, followed by regular snacks throughout the day of all the fruit, nuts, chocolates, drinks, etc bought especially for the occasion. Of course we also had the turkey to finish up, ham, salad, cheeses, etc, etc. For exercise we had a walk round the block and up to 'the ruins', where Pete took some photos and reminisced about his childhood.

There then followed a brief hiatus of a couple of days (spent not doing very much at all) before my birthday celebrations. Although it wasn't a 'special' one with no zero on the end or anything, I was having TWO restaurant outings. This was all thanks to Pete who was off, on my birthday, to spend New Year in Lincolnshire. So we had a family meal at a local Indian restaurant and then the next evening it was scrummy Italian food with two good friends.

What should have been two relaxed, enjoyable evenings were spoilt by ***NOISE***. Now, I'm no killjoy and am usually happy to see others having a good time. But I'm also out to have a good time with my companions and really don't want to be forced to be included in someone else's idea of having fun or even excluded from having any fun at all. I've also noticed that a growing number of restaurants are being refitted/furnished with lots of hard surfaces (stone floors, no soft furnishings, table linens, etc.) and therefore noise is not absorbed. After that massive moan about my birthday I'll just have to make it a priority to find a little intimate restaurant locally and do it all over again!

New Year was spent, as always, with the lovely David; very low key, watching Jools Holland and his guests on TV and thanking our lucky stars that these days we're not forced to watch people in kilts playing bagpipes. (OK Jools did have men in kilts playing bagpipes but they weren't on for long and I hid behind my drink).

So now back to normal, whatever normal is.

This morning I had to shop for a few essential bits and pieces, because food bought for Christmas doesn't last forever, and had to make a momentous decision: will it be Sainsburys in Chertsey or Tesco in Addlestone? I don't like going to Chertsey on Tuesdays because the local auction house holds its weekly sale and car park is full of white vans and their men. As you may have gathered from previous posts and comments I HATE Tesco but it's easier to park there so I went for that option. BIG MISTAKE. I realised that mistake as soon as I entered the car park, passing four spaces where because other people had parked so badly nobody else could take advantage of the gap. To be honest I thought I'd entered some sort of time warp and I was in pre-Christmas mayhem again. But no, just the everyday mayhem that's the joy of Tesco in Addlestone. Luckily Jo phoned while I was in there and suggested lunch at the pub so that was a good excuse to get out of there at double speed. New Year resolution: never going in there again.

I was sorely tempted to buy a limited edition plastic filter water jug. They may be antiques of the future. Who knows in a few years it might be worth something (yeah, 10p I hear you say). How many, do you think, did they limit them to? This Tesco had a big display stand full of them and I bet all the other Tesco shops have too.

Got to go now as I've just spilled half a glass of red wine down my cleavage, the cat's giving me a funny look and NYPD is on the telly.

Photo Hunt Blogroll

2007

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to everyone - here's hoping 2007 is everything you want it to be.

Random thoughts....

1. Don't wear a silky scarf/shawl with a leather coat whilst carrying a couple of carrier bags, a handbag and an umbrella. It will slide about, trail on the floor fall off altogether and you will:

a) fall over

b) strangle yourself

c) assault fellow shoppers with said bags, umbrella, etc whilst trying to retrieve it

d) look stupid

You will NOT look serene, elegant or even sane.

2. Does anyone else find it puzzling that you find a newspaper/magazine article about the national problem with obesity in children but a few pages on there is another piece about the bad example being set by too thin models, actresses, etc. to said children. You will also frequently find pictures of various models, actresses, etc., who to me look fairly normal, showing their (whisper this please) cellulite and comments about them getting 'fat'.

3. Why do security lights on houses that you are NOT visiting come on when you pass by on the other side of the road but those on houses that you ARE visiting don't work unless you jump up and down waving your arms about, all in order to see the step/doorbell.

4. Why can't all parking ticket machines give change? Some do but others don't and seem to be proud to tell you so. Of course, I know the reason for it; just another little ploy for councils to get your money but then tell you they're so poor they can't keep the streets properly clean.

5. I've noticed recently an ever-increasing concern about my whereabouts. I'll be browsing the shelves/rails of a shop and suddenly a voice will say in my ear 'You alright there?' Even the girl shampooing my hair asks me, although I can't think where else I could be in that situation. Perhaps next time I'll answer 'Well, no, actually, - I'd much rather be on a sun-kissed beach in Bermuda'.

6. We seem to be inundated with endless '100 Best whatever' TV programmes recently. I', waiting for the '100 Best Weather Forecasts'. Riveting stuff!!

Blogging off!!!

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

I haven't posted for over a month now. This is because I've been living, breathing Ottershaw Players and Wind in the Willows. Oh, and I did go on holiday to Florida for a couple of weeks.

The 200 posters and 3000 flyers have all been distributed and the phone has been ringing with ticket orders although not enough. The Saturday matinee is sold out but all of the evening performances need a few more people in the audience.

Today we did a costume and makeup check followed by a runthrough of the play. The costumes looked great, only a few minor adjustments to make and only one person without anything to wear. (A naked weasel? Well why not?? I think the Festival play that I did costumes for recently is having a strange influence on my judgement!). So it seems that the endless hours spent searching charity shops, buying materials, hunched over a sewing machine (my chiropractor is doing well!), trying on, discarding, trying again, phoning to beg or borrow have all been worthwhile.

My house badly needs cleaning but I'm working on my own interpretation of the Quentin Crisp principle that after the first four years the dust doesn't get any worse; I'm making it the first inch. The fridge is always empty and meals are basic, to say the least. And I'm still trying to catch up on the laundry from my holiday.

How does she find the time to write this?, I sense you are thinking. BECAUSE I CAN'T SLEEP. Which is very annoying because I am tired.

I do want all of my friends to know, however, that I have been regularly reading their posts so that I can keep up to date.

Four o'clock now and I have to be out and about tomorrow finding a suit for a naked weasel so perhaps I'd better try again for those zzzzzzzzzz's