Friday, April 28, 2006

Is 50 the new 40?

What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist - Salman Rushdie

Here's a snippet from today's paper: "In Wales a poster campaign targeting 'Happy, Healthy, Horny' over-50s has been called offensive by some people. This was reported in one newspaper under the headline: 'Stimulating ads upset eldery.' " I find it very offensive. Less of the elderly if you please. What do you think Liz ?

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Somebody help me, please1

Please tell me: what normal woman in her right mind would choose to sleep with this man? David Mellor was bad enough but at least he can string two words together.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Blogged Down

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind - Buddha

Perhaps is overworked and feeling vindictive. It pretends to be my friend and is playing with my mind. MaryB has been having problems and so have I. The last posting showing on my web page when I log in is dated 1st April, although I know other people can see the new ones 'cause I've had comments. Also when I look at other people's postings very often the number of comments shown on the main page is not updated. For example on Liz's posting about the Whales in the Swans which is in the Sea, the number of comments is shown as 5 but their are actually 7. It's very confusing for someone like me who checks all of these blogs contantly (because I'm such a sad person). It could lead to me not checking the comments, because I think I've seen them all, and missing something really important.

Talking about being a sad person, it seems that I have a new addiction. It's the word verification. I can't help it. I'm very disappointed when it's dull and unintersting but really excited when it looks like a proper word, albeit foreign. I find myself scrolling down the 'comment' column just to see what the word verification is and, if it's something good, feel it's a dreadful waste if I don't use it. I've even found myself making a note of ones I can't use. Oh well, a bit more intersting than train spotting, I feel.

Moan, moan, moan, moan, moan

And another thing..... I've just had to put a new cartridge in my printer and the packaging is THREE times as big as the actual cartridge. Same thing with bottles of pills and suchlike - always too much packaging. Is it because they think you're stupid enough to imagine you're getting more for the exorbitant prices they charge??? And my toothpaste this morning; I had to start a new tube so I undid the cap and there was the foil covering the hole where the paste comes out. Fair enough. But there used to be a little plastic thingy built into the cap so that you could pierce it and not have to waste time looking for some sharp implement to do the job. Or break your nail trying to peel it off, which didn't work anyway. Aaaaargh!!!!****

Eh? What?? Stamp my feet! Lay on the floor and cry!!!

I'll get back in my pram now and trundle off to Sainsburys where, no doubt, I'll be getting out of it again.


DNA is an abbreviation of deoxyribonucleicantidisestablishmentarianism, a complex string of syllables - Dave Barry (American Columnist)

I've just come across something else that really irritates me (is there anything left, I hear you say!) and that's when first letters are used instead of the whole word. By the time I've sat and tried to work out what these letters could possibly stand for, I've lost interest. I've worked out BTW and some other easy ones but PLEEEEEASE... what is lol? I can only think of 'lots of love' but that doesn't work in some of the things I've read. Or perhaps it's 'son of Satan'.


It'll be alright (or even bloody fantastic!) on the night

Habeas Corpus or You May Have the Body

The publicity machine is now getting seriously underway for the ottershawplayers' forthcoming production of Habeas Corpus in June so here are the details:

We have a fantastic director , a fabulous cast and a very funny play. So........all of you hundreds of people that read this come to see it . I appreciate that distance may be seen as a disadvantage to some of you but what's wrong with a coach trip from Wales and such outposts to the bright lights of Woking? I'll buy you a drink in the interval. Excused are the international patrons of the arts as the cost of flights, etc. added to the ticket price (even though the tickets are VERY reasonable), would make it a rather expensive night out but there is no excuse for those of you who live within spittin' distance (or perhaps driving distance as we don't want to be spat upon) of the Rhoda McGaw Theatre. I'll buy you a drink too .

See you there then.

PS Don't forget to bring all of your friends.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Customer Service

This has been triggered by Liz's post today. It's about people who are supposed to be polite and helpful when you talk to them on the telephone, namely customer 'service'.

Liz's problem was with a doctor's receptionist who unfortunately have a reputation for being rude and abasive. Before I offend any innocent doctor's receptionists who may come across this literary work of art by accident, let me say that there are probably many out there who are cheerful, kind and helpful. I've just never met them. My theory is that people who work on the fringe of the medical profession are know-alls who think that they are a cut above the rest of us.

My problem this week has been having to telephone various organisations (e.g. insurance and utility companies and banks) to advise them of the death of my mother-in-law and arrange whatever has to be done next. In the circumstances, on the whole nearly everyone I've spoken to has been insenitive and bordering on the insolent. One pimply youth (at least that's what he sounded like) insisted that he could speak only to the account holder of his poxy telephone service because of the freedom of information act and all I'd asked him for was an address to write to.

It appears to me that all of these people shouldn't be doing the job if they don't like talking to others and trying to help them. You are usually told on the recorded message that precedes your conversation that 'all calls are recorded, etc' so why is it that no action is taken to train staff to be POLITE. I know that it is not easy dealing with the general public sometimes and therefore working life can be frustrating and difficult at times but I'm always polite to them so I wish they'd return the favour.

Rant over.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

You can't fool me...................

It has been said that there is no fool like an old fool, except a young fool. But the young fool first has to grow up to be an old fool to realise what a damn fool he was when he was a young fool - Harold McMillan

I just had to pass these on - both from Daily Mail (sorry Pete):

An article describing how, after 270 years, Tony Blair has had the front door of 10 Downing Street painted red (complete with pictures). This really had me going for a very short while because it is the sort of unbelievingly arrogant thing that he would do but then common sense dawned and I realised what the date is. Confirmation came at the end of the article when a design consultant said:'it;s a significant declaration of personal ownership by Tony Blair.' Her name? April Fewell!

The other, even cleverer one, was a full page advertisement by BMW which shouts 'To avoid the penalties for slow driving BMW ensures the camera always lies'. It claims that the Government is set to announce that by next spring Slow Cameras will have been installed in every major city to catch drivers who drive below a certain limit (20mph). BMW have come up with a solution to this by devising ZIP (Zoom Impression Pixels) which is a pixel-based coating to cover the exterior of a car. This makes the camera picture blurred, gives the impression of higher velocity and Slow Camera is fooled into thinking the car is travelling at the correct speed.
Engineers are also working on solutions to other rumoures legislation like The Reversing Charge, Quadruple Yellow Lines and Tarmac Erosion Tax.
The name of BMW's Head of Mandate Avoidance? Wait for it...........................................Hans Uphoo-Gotit!

But please don't laugh too much; it could happen.