1. Don't wear a silky scarf/shawl with a leather coat whilst carrying a couple of carrier bags, a handbag and an umbrella. It will slide about, trail on the floor fall off altogether and you will:a) fall over
b) strangle yourself
c) assault fellow shoppers with said bags, umbrella, etc whilst trying to retrieve it
d) look stupid
You will NOT look serene, elegant or even sane.
2. Does anyone else find it puzzling that you find a newspaper/magazine article about the national problem with obesity in children but a few pages on there is another piece about the bad example being set by too thin models, actresses, etc. to said children. You will also frequently find pictures of various models, actresses, etc., who to me look fairly normal, showing their (whisper this please) cellulite and comments about them getting 'fat'.
3. Why do security lights on houses that you are NOT visiting come on when you pass by on the other side of the road but those on houses that you ARE visiting don't work unless you jump up and down waving your arms about, all in order to see the step/doorbell.
4. Why can't all parking ticket machines give change? Some do but others don't and seem to be proud to tell you so. Of course, I know the reason for it; just another little ploy for councils to get your money but then tell you they're so poor they can't keep the streets properly clean.
5. I've noticed recently an ever-increasing concern about my whereabouts. I'll be browsing the shelves/rails of a shop and suddenly a voice will say in my ear 'You alright there?' Even the girl shampooing my hair asks me, although I can't think where else I could be in that situation. Perhaps next time I'll answer 'Well, no, actually, - I'd much rather be on a sun-kissed beach in Bermuda'.
6. We seem to be inundated with endless '100 Best whatever' TV programmes recently. I', waiting for the '100 Best Weather Forecasts'. Riveting stuff!!
