Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Toilet humour

Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall - Alan Bennet

We've all met people who are supposedly incredibly intelligent but don't know which way to sit on a lavatory - Stephen Fry

[First - please note that the first word of the title to my previous post should read Welcome NOT Welocme. (You knew that didn't you). ]

This item in the paper made me laugh out loud and spill my yogurt:

There's no escape from the Health & Safety Gestapo. On Tayside, the NHS has just issued guidelines on how to use the bathroom.
A four-page leaflet, entitled **Good Defecation Dynamics, has just been published in Dundee.
You couldn't make it up. It gives advice on the safest way to sit on the toilet. 'Do not slump down but keep a normal curve in your back. Make sure your feet are well supported.'
You get the gist.
So this is what Gordon means when he talks about 'Investment' in public services. Coming soon from the NHS - Sucking Eggs: A Guide for Grandmothers.

**This is the bit where the yogurt got spilled.


Liz said...

What a great title!

I hope it mentions that you shouldn't read on the toilet as it can cause piles. That is the sort of thing that we should know.

chux said...

I just can't believe what i'm reading here. Good Defecation Dynamics!! My goodness! Whats the date , it must be April fools day.

I think Stephens Frys comment is the one that suits the 'anal' people who concern themselves with this stuff. Honestly i'm ashamed about the peoplein charge in this country at times.

I'm surprised we dont have to have a 6 monthly bottom check, for good anal healthcare aswell. Where will this nonsense stop?

Chris said...

6-monthly bottom checks....ooh, that sounds like fun....not!

By the way, Chux, is that really you lurking in Delmonti's very interesting photos of computers? Compare that one, the one of you at a wedding and the one illustrating your blog and you look totally different in all three. Are you a chamelon?

Verification is 'mlaluzd' which means 'something you get if you don't sit on the toilet properly'

chux said...

yes it is me - and yes I am a cameleon. I'm always pulling faces and can't stand still for a serious photo at any time. Sorry i'll just have to remain a mystery a bit like the Yeti, except I prefer it a little warmer.
I was thinking of doing my own calendar for 2007. 12 different dodgy poses the chuckie way - if you'd like a copy please send a cheque to directly to me. cost £6.99

all the best

Chris said...

No, sorry, I have to inspect the goods before I part with any money Chuckie. Tell you what, you send me the proofs of lots of dodgy photos of you and I'll pick out the best ones for your calendar. Should help to pass the time!!

Liz said...

Oh, dear, I misread Chux's post. I thought the calendar idea was for '12 different dodgy poos'.

Verifier is bnzan, which is what you use to clean the toilet.