Saturday, September 09, 2006

Rebel without much of a cause

I caught my husband misbehaving this morning. In an act of unprecedented defiance and as a stand against the 'nanny' state, he was cutting a dotted line on an envelope which was quite clearly marked "do not open here, you may be able to use this envelope again", the polar opposite of "tear across the dotted line". We had received a pre-ransom demand from our gas/electricity supplier, you know the kind of thing - the customer does their job for them by reading their own meters (thereby freeing up staff who can knock on doors or stand in your way in supermarkets conning old men and ladies), sends off or emails the form so that they can work out how much you owe, double it, add a bit depending on what the date is and then mug your bank account by increasing your monthly direct debit! He said that he opened the envelope in an illegal manner because we always email our readings and, anyway, there's always another return envelope inside.

Hoping to stamp out this rebellious attitude (perhaps he was hoping it would make him look a bit like James Dean?) I threatened to report him to the 'envelope police'. Quick as a flash he responded by reminding me that I often put envelopes in the blue paper-recycling bags when it is printed quite clearly in a large, bold font that this is unacceptable. Well that stopped me in my tracks, I'd been caught out!!

We came to an agreement - he's going to continue opening envelopes however he damn well pleases and I'm going to put envelopes in the recycling bag whenever the mood takes me. So there! We live on the edge in this house, we do.


Liz said...

Sssh, Chris, don't go telling everyone about the envelopes. They might start checking and then where would we be? All in court like old ladies who won't pay their council tax or like Greenham Common women.
On second thoughts, let's be Blue Envelope Women. Chain ourselves to the lorry that collects the waste, having first covered ourselves in used envelopes. 'Take us with you,' we'll cry. And they'll have to call out the police and we'll get our photos in the paper and everyone will shake their heads and say, 'I didn't know she had it in her.'
(Sorry, it's been a trying day.)

chux said...

Can you compost old envelopes? I heard you can do it with shredded paper.

Saw your mention of a 'Minnie the Moocher' ringtone on Shorty PJ's blog and now it my mission in life to get one too. Cab Calloway now that makes me smile.



Chris said...

Once went to see Cab Calloway at the Barbican. Couldn't better him!!

Verification is wdezsy - that's tomorrow, isn't it?

MaryB said...

See? Ya just saved yourselves thousands in marriage counseling. A good old fashioned trade-off.

Yes, and I'm jealous of Minnie the Mocher, as well, though I'm trying to picture where I'd hide if it went off in the middle of the Great Thanksgiving . . . (And you really saw Cab Calloway - I salute you, Chris!)