Gordon Ramsey - you know nothing

It's my turn to host our weekly Mahjong get-together tonight. Being a good hostess (and because the others always dish up mouth-watering nibbles, probably purchased from Marks & Spencer), I had to turn my mind today towards thoughts of what I was going to impress my friends with. Yesterday I was going to buy a few carrots, a cucumber, some crisps or suchlike, some dips and do my own version of Ready, Steady, Cook just before they arrived.

Anyhow, things didn't go according to plan, mainly because I seem to have developed a condition called tescoitis a symptom of which is memory loss brought on by my desire to get out of the place as quickly as possible. Luckily I remembered the cat food.

So....... this morning I thought, 'I know, I'll impress them, I'll bake a cake'. I have this geat recipe where you put all of the ingredients except the flour into a saucepan and boil them, then add the flour, then put in the oven for an hour. Piece of cake!

Now, I quite like baking when I'm in the mood (a bit like knitting) but I haven't been in the mood for some time now so I thought it wise to check the 'best by' dates on the flour; didn't want one of my friends calling a 'pung' then passing out. An hour and one big black bin bag later my cupboard was bare apart from a packet of raisins with still a month to go.

Out had gone not only the flour but several small jars of herbs and spices, baking powder, cup-a-soups, gravy granules and even a couple of bars of cooking chocolate! I'm glad they haven't started the 'pay for your bin collection by weight' scheme yet.

Then came the quandary - where do I go for the replacements? Tesco, or even Sainsbury, they're both not my shops of choice, especially on a Friday. I'd get in there, have a bit of memory loss, and who knows what I'd come out with!! Luckily there are one or two small convenience stores not too far away, one of which is near a 'proper' butchers, so I could deal with Sunday lunch at the same time. Bought my ingredients, had a nice chat and a laugh about binmen with the lady serving me, didn't forget anything. Came home, made the cake.

Then I thought I'd make some flapjacks, as a healthy option. They must be, they've got all of those oats in them, doesn't matter about the sugar, then more sugar in syrup form holding the oats together.

So here I am passing time waiting for my friends to arrive and anticipating that moment when it's time for a break and I can bring out my creations. Oh the feeling of superiority when answering the question, 'These are delicious, did you make them yourself?' I can truthfully answer: 'Yes'.